i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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