Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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