Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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