Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
