I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize