He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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