I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
