Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
