You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
