the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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