he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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