she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
