I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even my farts smell like vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
