Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
