we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
