i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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