I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
