come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
