He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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