I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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