Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
