i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
