it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
