you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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