You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
