i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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