What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
