Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
