it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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