u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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