Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
