my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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