I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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