i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
