are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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