i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
