What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
