I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
