at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
