Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
