we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
