Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
