I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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