just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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