This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
