Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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