6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize