who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
