whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
