They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
