The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
