please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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