Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
