I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
