considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As shirtless as possible
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
