I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
