I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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