i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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