And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
