I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
