Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
