took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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