i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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