my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
