Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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